Politically Incorrect December 15, 2000 Guests: Holly McClure Wolfgang Puck Jimmy Kimmel Shawnee Smith Bill: All right. Thank you very much. Glad you made it to the end of the week. Let's meet our panel. She is a film critic and the co-host of KPRZ's "Holly McClure live!" in San Diego -- Holly McClure! Holly: Yea! [ Applause ] Thanks, Bill. Bill: Got a running start there, didn't you? Holly: Kinda. Bill: She is a delightful actress and one of the splendid stars of "Becker," Mondays at 9:30 on another network -- Shawnee Smith, right over here! [ Cheers and applause ] Hello, Miss Smith. How you doing? Shawnee: Good, how are you? Bill: Thank you for coming by. Shawnee: Thanks. Bill: One of the most famous -- I think he's probably the most famous chef in the world. His newest cookbook is "Wolfgang Puck's Pizza, Pasta, and More!" Wolfgang Puck. [ Cheers and applause ] I've never seen you out of your apron. Wolfgang: I know, me either. [ Both chuckle ] Bill: And the very funny comedian and the swell co-host of comedy Central's "The Man Show" -- Jimmy Kimmel. Jimmy: Thank you. [ Cheers and applause ] Good evening. Bill: Okay. Now, on last night's show, I was talking about the fact that they keep talking about healing -- the healing process we're going through with the nation, as if we're all like, you know, looting appliance stores. Wolfgang: I have bad knees. I have to heal my knee first. Bill: It's just awful. And I think healing is code for, like, "We gave the last guy a lot of hell for eight years." And what's gonna happen to this -- Jimmy: Heal, you mean "surrender," right? Bill: Healing means surrender, I think so. Jimmy: "Shut up and quit complaining. We're in charge now." Bill: I've often said on this show that hate is a terrible thing to waste. [ Laughter ] And -- [ Applause ] You know, they don't call it hate radio for nothing. Rush Limbaugh has over 18 million Americans listen to him every week. And that's just people taking his food orders. [ Laughter ] Wolfgang: What are we gonna cook now? Bill: Where is that hate gonna go? There's been a lot of hate that built up because Bill Clinton was the Anti-Christ, as we all know. Holly: Oh, Bill -- Bill: And where does that hate go? Holly: He's not the Anti-Christ. I think there was a lot of resentment for what was taking place in Clinton's administration, starting with Lewinsky and from there -- Bill: Hate. Holly: Well, you can classify it how you want. Shawnee: Damn what he did for employment. Damn! [ Laughter ] Holly: You know, it wasn't just Bill Clinton who did that, actually, for this country. There was a lot of other people that helped get us here financially. But I think the resentment's gonna be channeled to try to be positive and try to get something back in shape of this country and get something done. Wolfgang: You know, this country's in better shape than it ever was. I don't know why we hate him. I can't understand what is the problem. Holly: But they're expecting there to be such a division. Wolfgang: I mean, Monica is the problem or what? Do we hate him because he made a girl happy? Bill: Yes, they do. They hate him -- [ Laughter ] They hate him because he was anatomically correct. [ Laughter ] Holly: Because of what he did. The president did. Jimmy: They hated him beforehand, and then they got a reason to hate him. Shawnee: Right. Bill: One thing came before the other. But where does this hate go now? They don't have Bill Clinton. They don't have his protégé Al Gore to kick around. Where does the hate -- there's 18 million people who listen to rush limbaugh. Shawnee: I'm hoping rush gets some hookers, get laid and relax and maybe lose some weight. [ Laughter ] Holly: Never gonna happen. Never gonna happen. [ Cheers and applause ] Wolfgang: He probably did that already, you know, like all these guys on TV, all the preachers. Holly: Hey, guys, what do you think -- the Republicans are these Nazis that are ready -- Shawnee: I am a Republican. Holly: -- War against the country? Really, what is your opinion of this? When they talk about unity, when they talk about getting things done -- Shawnee: Rush Limbaugh wasn't talking about unity this morning. I don't know how you dis Gore's speech, but he found a way. Wolfgang: Well, I wonder if a Republican can ever have sex. You never read about anybody having sex. Holly: Oh, that's not true. Bruce Willis and Schwarzenegger are Republicans. [ Talking at the same time ] Bill: Wait a second. Every Republican who prosecuted Bill Clinton was having sex on the side. Wolfgang: We don't talk about it, though. Bill: Henry Hyde. Jimmy: And from behind, too. [ Laughter and applause ] The answer, though -- who are they gonna hate? Bill: Where does the hate go? Jimmy: I think, always the old standby -- minorities. Holly: No, they don't hate minorities! Where are you getting that?! You guys are creating this -- where are you getting this?! Wolfgang: Listen, as long as they don't hate the food, I think -- [ Laughter ] They all gonna come to Washington and want barbecue -- Holly: Yes, that's right, stay on the good side, because you want to go to the White House. Bill: Republicans don't hate minorities, they just don't understand them even a little bit. [ Laughter ] Holly: That's why bush is electing who he is. That's why Colin Powell is one of his first premier elections -- Jimmy: Oh, he's not black, please. [ Laughter ] Not a black man. I am blacker than Colin Powell, I guarantee you. You think you're gonna find a snoop dog cd in the trunk of his car? [ Laughter ] Shawnee: Keep it real. Jimmy: That's right. Holly: You know, I think that where it's gonna be channeled, Bill -- to answer your question -- is I think people are going to sit back and wait and see how constructive this country can become with what we have to work with. And if there's a lot of resistance -- Shawnee: We're gonna wait and wait and wait. Holly: I think then you're gonna see the complaining because -- Bill: But George Bush ran as a compassionate conservative. Holly: Right. [ Light laughter ] Bill: Which, by the way, we have those already -- those are called Democrats. [ Laughter ] Okay. But that's gonna disappoint a lot of the right wingers. The Tom delays of the world are not gonna be happy if he puts in compassionate conservatism. So you don't think they're gonna turn their hate on him? Holly: No. Why would they turn their hate on the man that they want in the White House -- the man they elected to get there? Bill: Because they think he's not the man who ran. They think he was winking. Jimmy: Wait a minute. [ Laughter ] Bill: They think he was a "Hi, I'm a compassionate conservative, but when I get in there -- " Holly: I'm gonna be so thrilled to let the Republican Party really surprise all of you. Because I think you are gonna be surprised of what happens in this country -- stop laughing. [ Laughter ] I think you're gonna be surprised -- no, I do. Wolfgang: I think that if you look, we gonna be very surprised probably. Holly: That's right. Give him a chance. Bill: Oh, I agree with that. I think we should give him a chance. I agree, he's our president now. And I've lectured people on this show who said, "Bill Clinton's your president," and I said, "You know, he's your president, too." And George Bush is my president, too. Jimmy: And Charlton Heston's my president. [ Laughter and applause ] Holly: Well, he might be. Bill: But I'm talking about that far right wing. I'm saying they've got a lot of hate, and they've gotta use it somewhere. And they've got nobody left to hate. Wolfgang: I don't think they can ever -- Kennedy maybe, but he drinks, too, so it might be a problem. Jimmy: I know who they need to hate. I have the answer, though. John Ritter. It's about time people started hating him. [ Laughter ] Yeah, that's the guy. Let's focus our energies on hating John Ritter. Holly: As much as there was people from the left wing extreme as they are, I think there's many people from the right that will be extreme, but I think that -- and this election proves it -- it's about learning to compromise on both sides. And there are just as many Republicans that need to learn to compromise as there were Democrats. And that's what this is all about is coming together and saying, "Now, let's have a new government, a new way to do things, and let's see if Bush can do it." Shawnee: I'm just excited about the open-container laws spreading across the country. Holly: What? [ Light laughter ] Bill: What's the open-container law? Jimmy: If you drink in the car? Shawnee: Yeah, man. Bill: You mean you're allowed to open containers -- Shawnee: Drive and -- [ Laughter ] Wolfgang: It would be good for the restaurant business. We can send people home with a few drinks and have them in your car, see? Holly: He's plugging, isn't he? Wolfgang: Yeah. It's the first time I'm on a show with no stoves, no pots and pans, so what am I gonna do? [ Laughter ] Bill: All right, let's take a break. We'll try to get you a setup here, wolf. [ Applause ] Well, as this historic week comes to an end and bush has started to pick his cabinet and do all the other fun stuff a president-elect gets to do, it's gotta be tough on Al Gore. But Gore said he wouldn't be bitter and he actually looked forward to a chance to take a break and stop and recount the roses. [ Laughter ] Bill: Tonight on the FOX network, they had "The First Family's Holiday Gift to America." Yes, it featured President Clinton showing off all his stuff. [ Light laughter ] I'm not kidding. They showed his private stuff -- his saxophones, he showed. His music collection, his collection of golf putters he showed off. There was one awkward moment. One of the reporters asked Clinton if he had his own ball washer, and an intern raised her hand. [ Laughter ] [ Applause ] Okay, now -- now, Wolfgang, we don't have your usual cooking setup here, but I wanted to make you feel at home, 'cause I've eaten at your restaurant often. Wolfgang: I know. Bill: And let me say that the percentage of getting laid after eating at Spago's is fantastic. Jimmy: Really? Bill: Jimmy, you know this. Jimmy: Oh, well, no. Wolfgang: We've gotta get a lot of younger guys now, I think, to come to the restaurant. And maybe some of the old Republicans, too. [ Laughter ] Jimmy: He'll feed whoever. Bill: There was a German in the news -- you're German? Wolfgang: Austrian. Bill: Austrian. Okay, um -- [ Laughter ] No, I'm kidding. But they speak German there. Wolfgang: With a name like Wolfgang, it could be. Bill: But there is a German woman living in America, but she is German, and she had her child taken away from her. The child is 6 years old. Why? Because she was still breast-feeding. Wolfgang: I think it's a big problem. Bill: You think it's a big problem? Wolfgang: Yeah, I think somebody -- Holly: 'Cause he's not eating in your restaurant. [ Laughter ] Wolfgang: Hey -- I think -- I think -- I think somebody should get this woman some cooking lessons and get her a 30-year-old guy as well. Jimmy: You can make a beautiful cheese out of that. Wolfgang: I could open a cooking school for this. Shawnee: You must not be a mom. You're either like -- or you're just like -- [ Light laughter ] Bill: She said this is common in Europe, to breast-feed -- Holly: It is. Bill: It is? Up till 5 or 6 years -- Holly: And in Japan, too. In Japan, up to 5 and 6 years old. Jimmy: Really? Wolfgang: I've heard 4 years at the maximum. I never heard somebody -- what does he do when he goes to school? You don't need a lunch bag? You tell her -- [ Laughter ] This is one of your -- [ Laughter ] Shawnee: You meet your mom at the chain-link fence. [ Laughter ] Holly: Did they take the child away from the mother? Bill: Yes. Holly: I think that's ludicrous. Bill: Once again, an overbearing government. Holly: Yes, once again, to take a child away from its mother, and no less a nursing child, who I'm sure was even more dependent on the mother. That would be traumatic. I mean, I'm not for someone nursing their child till 6 years old, that's ludicrous. And, as someone who's nursed my child myself, I can't imagine doing that with a 6-year-old, how you could even -- or why you would even do it. But needless to say, though, to have the government come in and take that child away, what are we coming into? This is ludicrous. It's ludicrous in this country. It's the mother's right. Why doesn't a judge say, "Okay, we're gonna assign you counseling. You have to go to a court-appointed counselor or psychologist"? And get her analyzed and talk about the situation. Bill: Because she doesn't think she's doing anything wrong. Holly: But then analyze her and let her go through a whole process of -- Wolfgang: Get some counseling. Bill: 6 years old? This kid could pour a glass of milk. Shawnee: But wait a minute. Wait a minute. The last two days, my 1 1/2-year-old had a cold, and I tried to give her -- she had an ear infection -- I tried to give her the antibiotic in the spoon. Jimmy: Yeah? Shawnee: Like, that was not happening. I can't imagine getting your 6-year-old boy to get on your breast if he's not into it. [ Laughter ] I can't put her shoes on. You know? That's my main goal in life. Jimmy: What I'll do is I'll go towards the left and I'll move towards the right. Shawnee: Yeah, right. You guys never get off the nipple. Come on. Bill: Exactly. Wolfgang: That's why men felt that way. Jimmy: But she's German, so it's natural. [ Laughter ] Wolfgang: Don't say it's Austrian, though. Jimmy: No, Austrians are very safe. Wolfgang: My mother was a cook, too. Jimmy: No, I'm not talking about your family. Bill: Austrians are German. Let's be real here. Wolfgang: We used to own Germany, but now we gave it up, I think. Bill: Nothing wrong with that but -- Jimmy: They rented it to Hitler for a while. Holly: You know? When does the government -- Bill: Always have to mention Hitler. Holly: How does the government determine -- what is their level or their standpoint of determining what's child abuse and what's not? That concerns me. Shawnee: It's not black and white like that. Jimmy: Black? Shawnee: Well, you know. I mean, if you go back to, you know, when we all lived in the bush and the outback, wherever you're from, maybe it was natural if you didn't have enough food or whatever to breast-feed till you're 7, 8, 9, 10, but this is America, and we've created a civilization here. And as a parent, I think your job is to prepare your kids for that civilization. Bill: I think quite the opposite. Jimmy: Free refills. Bill: I think in the -- what? Holly: "Free refills." [ Laughter ] Bill: I think in the natural, you would never find the species mammal breast-feeding their child. Jimmy: You don't see an animal -- Shawnee: You do, actually. If you go back far enough -- Bill: How do you know? Jimmy: Monkeys all do it. Shawnee: Because I have a friend -- Jimmy: Who's a monkey. Shawnee: Who has an -- Bill: You have a friend who is a Cro-Magnon man? "I have a friend from 50,000 B.C." Shawnee: No, she's pretty hot, but she dated this guy whose mom was like a church person who goes out -- well, to, you know -- you know, whatever they're called. It's half-hour show. But anyways, it was, like, a little village, they didn't have any, you know, utensils. Wolfgang: I grew up in a little village. Shawnee: They breast-fed. In this tribe, they breast-fed till the kids were like 6, 7, 8 years old. Jimmy: They'd shake the women, make butter. [ Laughter ] Holly: Well, what is your answer, Bill? I mean, do you think that's good or bad? Bill: You have a friend who lives in a Neolithic village? Shawnee: No, she dated a guy who did. But he's a real mama's boy. I wouldn't suggest dating him when he grows up. [ Laughter ] Holly: I wonder why. I mean, there's something unhealthy about it. There is. And socially, we would -- I think -- [ Talking at the same time ] Jimmy: Think of the dry cleaning. It's really, you know, it's -- [ Laughter ] Shawnee: What do you know about dry cleaning? Holly: Wait a minute, you guys. Does this not bother you that the government, though, took a child -- Jimmy: Yeah, it does. Wolfgang: I think somehow somebody should send the woman to some counseling, and, hopefully, she will change. Bill: Wait a second. I'm also for the least the government should do, but come on -- 6 years old? Holly: Bill, it's not child abuse. Where are you getting that this is -- I mean, where would you think that that would determine child abuse? Bill: At what age -- because, when they cut him off at 14 -- [ Laughter ] -- I think there will be psychological problems. I think there are already psychological -- Shawnee: But don't you think if the kid doesn't want to breast-feed, he won't? I mean, does he have bruises on his body from his mom going, "Get on my boob"? [ Light laughter ] Bill: There was a cover story in "Time" magazine a few months ago about how girls are reaching puberty way earlier. Did you see that? They had the little bra strap on the cover. That said girls are reaching puberty at 8 or 9. Holly: Yes, they are. Bill: Okay, if the kid is still breast-feeding at 6, that's three years between he goes from mom to dating. Holly: Okay, then slap her hands and fine her for it or send her to counseling or do something court-initiated, but don't take the child away from the mother. I think that's drastic. I think it's wrong. And if the government's allowed to do that, who else will they decide to do it for? [ Applause ] Why, because you let two children do a certain thing? I mean, what's the basis of determining it? There are other ways to solve that. Come on. Jimmy: With that said, though, sign this kid up for the Liza Minnelli academy right away. Holly: I missed it. Jimmy: I figured you would. Bill: The implication is this kid is gonna be screwed up. Holly: Okay. Bill: In a big way. Shawnee: Like Liza? [ Applause ] Announcer: Join us next week on "Politically Incorrect" when Bill's guests will include -- actor William Shatner, recording artist Shaggy, comedian Andrew Dice Clay and the Neville Brothers' Aaron Neville. Bill: And my favorite story of the week -- the International Olympic committee met this week to discuss adding new sports to the Olympics. Among them -- ballroom dancing, bowling and roller skating. This committee is not kidding around. They say they're gonna keep adding sports until they find an athlete who's not on something. [ Applause ] Okay. So I don't want to get back into this thing, but it was the mother who wanted this breast-feeding to continue. The boy was like, "enough." [ Light laughter ] I bring this up only because there's a big movie that opened today called "What Women Want." Holly: Yes, good movie. Bill: You saw it already? Holly: Yeah, the movie critics have seen it. It's a great movie. Bill: It's a great movie, 'cause it makes men look stupid. Holly: No -- Bill: Yes, it does. That's what women want -- Mel Gibson in a lame comedy making men look like morons. [ Laughter ] Holly: Wait. The whole purpose of the movie is that he learns what women want, and he responds that way. He communicates, which is what women want. He says the things that they want to hear. He knows how to talk with them. He does all the things -- Jimmy: He tricks them. Shawnee: Once again, it sets up women to be disappointed. Holly: If they're not Mel Gibson, that's probably true. But it's a good movie. It really is a good movie. A lot of women are gonna love it, because they're gonna take their dates -- Bill: What women really want at this point is to be the boss. Exactly. Holly: No, they don't! [ Laughter ] No, they don't. Bill: They do. Jimmy: Unless, like, the car needs to be fixed. Then they want you to be the boss. Bill: Right. Jimmy: Unless the garbage needs to be taken out, then it's, "Hey, chief, why don't you go throw the crap outside, get the recycling bins out in the street." Holly: No, they don't. Bill: You have robbed us -- most of us, not me -- Jimmy: Not me either! [ Laughter ] Bill: Wait a second. You're married. You're part of the problem. Jimmy: Yeah, I know, I know. [ Laughter ] Wolfgang: You just said they want good food and sex. Holly: Are you the boss in your house? Jimmy: I'm the boss. Holly: See, you're the boss in your house. Wolfgang: You just said they want good food and sex. Bill: They want good food and sex. Wolfgang: That's what you said. You get lucky when you own a restaurant. Bill: Well, they definitely want good food. I know if you could order shoes with dessert -- [ Laughter ] Holly: You'd get the other. Jimmy: I have a theory that what women really want is a man with a very hairy back and a below-average-size penis. [ Laughter ] Holly: Oh, you're so wrong! Oh, you're so wrong. Shawnee: Not into hair. Jimmy: No wonder this hasn't been going well. Bill: I know, he's joking. Honey, that was a joke. You see, that was a self-deprecating -- Shawnee: Well, he's got half of it. Bill: What do we want? A woman who gets the jokes. [ Laughter ] Holly: Give me break. I get it. Shawnee: I think women want a woman with a penis who dominates them in the bedroom. Bill: Exactly. Holly: That's some women. Not all women want that. Shawnee: I mean, I understand that it's tough for men. It's very -- Bill: It is. Holly: Women just want women to be a man, okay? And to know that he is. Bill: Oh, no, they don't. Holly: Yes, they do. Bill: No, that is such a lie. Wolfgang: I really believe they want a be a man and a woman. Maybe a transvestite might be the perfect thing. Shawnee: -- because we want that, but then we also want communication -- Holly: We do want communication. Shawnee: All that crap that comes very unnaturally to men. Jimmy: And then the makeover begins, and they try to make you over and make you over, and most guys go along with it. Bill: They do. We gotta take break. We'll be right back. [ Applause ] Applause ] Bill: Well, your shirt says, "$5 ho." See? Jimmy, they put it in the window, but it's not really -- Jimmy: Meanwhile, I give her 30 bucks, and nothing. [ Laughter ] Bill: Monday -- Andrew Dice Clay, Joshua Moro and John Saley. And this is Mr. Puck's book -- "Pizza, Pasta, and More!" [ Applause ] Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher abc.com Go Network ©2000 Follow Up Productions, Inc. ----------------------------------